A sermon by Volunteer Coordinator Jodie Ramsey, June 24, 2007
Matthew 6:5-9
Living in Maine, where we have 5 seasons to the year, (you know, Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Mud) I’m sure many of you have gotten stuck in the snow or mud while driving and have tried to gun the engine to get out. Those with 4-wheel drive know this is easier once you’ve engaged that feature on your vehicle. But for those without 4-wheel drive, how do you get un stuck? I generally rock the car back and forth hoping I’ll make it over the hump as I go forward, but there are those times when you need to back up and take a whole different course.
Or maybe you like to sail and your destination is upwind. If it were downwind, you could set your sail on a reach and let the wind carry you along. However, if your goal and the wind are ahead of you, you need to tack into the wind – zigzagging back and forth to move forward.
A few years ago, I went through a personal rut that was like hitting a brick wall. I tried gunning my engines and then even my own mental 4-wheel drive to get past my rut. It ended up I took an alternate route to get around. My rut was saying the Lord’s Prayer.
How often have you said the Lord’s Prayer? Stop and think, how often in your lifetime have you said those words? Have they ever influenced you? They have for me. These very familiar words have held an interesting presence in my life.
To answer my own question, how often have I said the Lord’s Prayer? Every time I go to a church service, I am sure to hear those familiar words when the congregation says them. That’s 52 weeks to a year, times my age and; well you do the math. I also think back to my childhood and remember the Lord’s Prayer as part of my family’s bedtime ritual. After my siblings and I would get into our pj’s and brush our teeth, we’d search out one or both of our parents and we would say the Lord’s Prayer with them and then go to bed. Needless to say, I’ve said this prayer a lot.
As a teenager and young woman, I had the opportunity to attend worship in churches of different denomination through my mom’s part-time job as a relief organist. My siblings and I would snicker every time we’d goof and say debts while the rest of the congregation was saying trespasses. Or horror of horror when attending a Catholic service and make it through the trespass part and plowing on into “for thine is the kingdom” and no one else was because the priest added other words in that space. Although I might have felt lost during other parts of worship at these various churches, the comfort of hearing the Lord’s Prayer has always been a strong force for me.
My older sister sent me an email with a mindfulness exercise1 which led me to rethink how I prayed. I think you’ve all had a Hershey’s Kiss at some time in you life, so think of that candy while I describe this exercise. Think of eating the Hershey’s Kiss with a full awareness of every movement, bite, and sensation. First, feel the candy, noticing its firmness, the crinkly foil wrap enclosing it and twisting at the top, meeting with the wafer-thin paper tab. Slowly begin to pull the tab, listening to the crackles of the foil as you unwrap it. Notice the fine motor coordination involved in pulling back the foil to reveal the chocolate inside. Recognize your anticipation as you tear and twirl the last bits of foil and begin to smell the chocolate. Place the candy in your mouth and attend to every sensation on your lips, tongue, and the roof of your mouth. Notice how hard it feels at first and then how it begins to soften and melt in you mouth. Slowly savor, receiving fully every taste sensation.
You can use the same mindful exercise with the Lord’s Prayer. In the peace of your heart and mind, think about each word and phrase and see how far you get. For some people, the very first words give them reason to question. “Our Father.” Some may see the word “father” as gender specific and would prefer softer words such as mother or even creator. Growing up I didn’t realize the feeling of male dominancy behind the word “Father” until, in my teens, I heard my own father’s cynical comment about the associate minister at a church he was serving as a woman’s libber who wanted to use inclusive language. At the time I was a “daddy’s girl” and agreed with his thinking. Now an adult, I’ve thought about language more. I still say the word “Father” though mostly out of habit, but in my mind and heart, our God is universal and inclusive.
Our Father, Mother, Creator, God, Leader, Guide; who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. Whoa, time out. Thy will be done? On earth and in heaven? Why is it God’s way and not my way? A few years back, I hit my brick wall rut on that phrase and found I couldn’t say ANY of the Lord’s Prayer; at worship or at home. When I did resume saying the prayer I would intentionally skip that one line. I was very mad at God and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t granting me MY wish.
After waiting what seemed a lifetime to find the right person, and to a single girl, 39 IS a lifetime – I finally married. In my heart I was singing praise to God for having brought Chuck into my life. We couldn’t wait to have our own family but because of my age, ended up seeing a fertility specialist and quickly became pregnant. My heart was singing praise to God even louder as MY dream was coming true.
Then my world shattered. In December 2001, three months into the pregnancy, I suffered a miscarriage. I cried out to my God asking why he wasn’t answering my prayer to have a child, and at the time we celebrate the birth of Jesus. It was so unfair. The first church service I attended after that miscarriage was Christmas Eve and I discovered I was so mad at God for taking away my prayer and dream; almost to a point of hating God, that I could not say any of the Lord’s Prayer. I was so hurt that God’s Will was to prevent me from becoming a mother. I would get so chocked up over those words that I wouldn’t even try to mouth them at worship. And I stopped saying them at home. I refused to say the Lord’s Prayer for almost 8 months.
What brought me around to being able to say the Lord’s Prayer again is a story in itself. It is an experience of calming that the simple words from the Lord’s Prayer gave me and I used that memory to help rebuild my faith and love in God.
I had volunteered to participate in a disaster drill at the airport and was playing the roll of someone waiting for word on their loved one on a plane that crashed, giving the airline and Red Cross an opportunity to deal with counseling people. My fellow family actors and I were given the green light to push our counselors as much as we wanted with our play acting. Not surprisingly, I got into character quickly and think I gave them more than they expected. My character was waiting for a minor child traveling alone for the first time. I was very complex and kept throwing one difficult request after another to the young lady from the airline who was assisting me; ranging from special needs for my parents and our pets, to airlifting my husband from a ship in the middle of the ocean to be with me, to wanting a teddy bear. My counselor would confer with her supervisors on how they would resolve my latest request. This was just a drill and my counselor kept returning saying they could do each thing I wanted, but I knew what I was asking for was very hard to achieve in reality. I don’t know why I wanted to be so challenging, but I was.
Of all the requests I put to the airline representative that day, one that really stands out is my demanding they get me my minister. “I want John McCall. I need to talk with my minister!” I demanded to them. About an hour later a lady came to the room and introduced herself as a chaplain from the local hospital and asked if she could pray with me. Initially I was surprised that one of my requests was being dealt with in some manner; after all, it wasn’t John, but it was a clergyperson. She asked if I wanted any special prayer. When I said it didn’t matter, she suggested we say the Lord’s Prayer together. Upon reciting the pray I instantly felt all the angry energy and turmoil of the loss of my loved one lift from me. I still had another 30 minutes to stay in character for the drill, but after saying the Lord’s Prayer, my intensity at being a bereaved parent was greatly diminished.
I realized later on that I had said the Lord’s Prayer in it’s entity that day and then questioned why I was mad at God in the first place and realized it was because I wanted the Lord’s Prayer to say “thy kingdom come, my will be done”. But it’s not. It’s “God’s kingdom come, God’s will be done”. I started saying most of the Lord’s Prayer at worship again, and eventually I added that one phrase I had stumbled over. And I noticed something else. It was my phrasing and word emphasis. No longer was I saying it mechanically, but that I was really feeling each word and line. There was mindfulness to it. “OUR Father, who ART in heaven, HALLOWED be thy name. THY kingdom come, THY WILL be done ON EARTH as it is in heaven…
It’s very hard to give up control of things in your life, but for me, by being mindful in saying and thinking about the Lord’s Prayer, I’ve able to move on in my personal life. Although I have not been able to have my own biological child, by letting my life follow God’s will, I’ve come to terms that God’s plan for me is different. God has not turned away from me and my desire as a mother; it was just the path I was to take. As most of you know, I am blessed with two beautiful teenage step-daughters, one of whom moved in with her dad and me for several months this past year making me feel like I really am someone’s mother. Both girls live with their mother in Maryland, but the experience I had while Kelly lived with us is beyond words.
Think back to the Hershey Kiss exercise. Isn’t it amazing how that simple exercise of mindfulness changes the act of eating a piece of candy? Think now how mindfulness can change prayer. Let’s say the Lord’s Prayer again, but this time, think about each word or phrase. Put emphasis where YOU want it. Won’t you join me in prayer: Our Father… Amen and Amen.
1 Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself as Effectively as You Care for Everyone Else.by Alice Domar and Henry Dreher